Moms with adult children have a different set of circumstances than others.
You begin to address a whole new world of concern. Life has changed and you are not completely ready. Your children are now adults and you wonder, “What to do now”. You have been so accustomed to catering to, cooking for, cleaning behind, caring for, and now giving to those that have now become young adults. So, how do you stop being a mom? Or, do you ever stop being a Mom? Take a deep breath, you are now in the category with other Moms with adult children.
You being a Mom with adult children, what does this really mean?
It means you are no longer responsible for the health, education and wellbeing of your now young adult. It is time to let go and allow you’re many years of parenting, lecturing and fussing run its course. Your job is done! They are now young adults. Ha Ha Ha! Now that is out let’s get to the real part of being a Mom with adult children.
You have secretly looked forward to this time but you really didn’t know your life would change as well.
You as a Mom with adult children is far different from parenting when your children were young.
You being a back seat parent, this will be tough to do. When you are accustomed to saving or trying to save them from making some of the same mistakes you did can be difficult. You have been intervening in their entire lives and now you are just expected to step aside. How do you do that? By getting them to talk to you and confide in you. Yes, you are still the parent but you also must allow your young adult to make decisions for themselves. By making their own decisions, this will allow them to grow in confidence of being able to meet life head on.
Now is also the time to become a friend to your adult children. Your ability to become a friend will allow you to impart continued wisdom and counsel to your young adult. Yes, they will have friends of their own age, but as a parent you will be able to provide a different perspective from your life experiences. While this is an ideal situation but don’t be disappointed if your young adult decides against “your” better judgement. The key point here is, your young adult child came to you as a sounding board, as a friend, and as a trust worthy confident. You should take this time to really listen and be careful of not trying to take over the decision process. When your young adult child comes to you with a concern, it is a win to both of you.
You will need to learn how to control less, support and encourage more. This sounds great but hard to do. Hahaha! Especially if you have “control” issues, this will take continued effort. You should remember that you are the Mom of a young adult and your controlling days should be over or coming to an end. If you want to have an amicable relationship with your young adult, the temptation to control them should be halted. Just think of how you use to feel when your parents tried to control you as a young adult and it will be an easy decision to stop. No one likes to feel controlled, least of all your young adult. This is a great time to take the role of supporting and encouraging. As a Mom with young adult children, your decision to support and encourage will gage far better results than control. No, you aren’t expected to sign off and support all of the choices and decisions you find to unfavorable against your child. But, you can make your opinion and/or suggestion known for them to consider.
During your time of worry and concern, it would be good to remember you are the Mom with adult children, with “adult” being the key word. Your children are no longer babies or teenagers but young adults. This means that your young adult has some responsibility to themselves. You are no longer required to shoulder the bulk of the responsibility any longer. Your young adult is finding their way and will need to spread their wings. So make suggestions and allow them to be a “young adult”. There is no need to jump in and save them from the big bad world. They must be allowed to mature and flex their decision muscles.
The hardest part about being a Mom with adult children is finding enjoyment outside of being a parent. If you have dedicated your entire life to the development of your children it can be hard to step away and cut the umbilical cord. You must detach yourself from your old life of raising children to finding enjoyment in having a life of your own. This may take a little soul searching. If you are a Mom without many hobbies, you will need to experiment a little before you find that something you like to do. While this may take a few trials and error, it is well worth the effort. You deserve the right to have a life after the children and it is possible to do so.
Consequently, one of the greatest possibilities of having adult children is having grandchildren. Grandchildren give the ability to love, nurture and enjoy an extension of your current adult child. It also allows you to spoil them and give them back to their parent. Hehehehe, this has to be the best part of having grandchildren. If you already have grandchildren you understand this point clearly.
After all has been said and done, being a Mom with adult children is and can be a tough job.
It is not always easy. We all want the best for our adult children and we feel pain when they are hurting, even as adults. It can be difficult to idly stand by and watch our children go through hard or tough times. We do what we can but in doing we must remember we are Moms with adult children.